Dumbasses of the Day!

LOCAL EDITION

Hey THUGS: If you're gonna jack a man for his dog, you might want to run that idea past the dog, first.

Courtesy of BOXERBREED.com

Let's go to San Jacinto, where a guy is out walking his dog.  

 The Press Enterprise reports two dudes with shaved heads come up to the dog owner and tell him they’re going to take his dog.

Have I mentioned the dog in this story is a BOXER?  Those are NOT small dogs. Males get to about 70 pounds, and they're mostly muscle. 

Wanna take a guess as to how THIS dognapping is going to turn out?

One of the suspects reportedly punches the dog owner in the face, while the second guy takes the dog’s leash.

But the victim and his dog both fight back, as one of the attempted dog nappers gets socked in the nose, and the OTHER attempted dog napper – the one who grabbed the leash - is attacked by the dog and was seen limping away following several bites in the lower leg.

Hey morons, when you decided to take this dude’s Boxer, how did you think the dog was going to react to seeing his owner get attacked? I guarantee you, if you come up to my wife while she's walking MY dogs, you'll be very lucky if you're able to walk away.

Houston, we have a problem

Dear airline passengers: if you can't sing, STFU!

And a cross-country flight from LA to New York had to make an emergency landing in Kansas City because of Houston.

WHITNEY Houston.

A passenger refused to stop singing the song I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, so the pilot made the emergency landing to get her off the plane.

I’m not making this up. She was handcuffed by marshalls and removed from the plane.

   Yeah, you know your singing blows when you force a jumbo jet to make an emergency landing.

DUMBASS of the WEEKEND

GUYS: If you get SO drunk that you fall on your mom, then pass out ON TOP of HER and leave her pinned to the floor for hours, you've probably ruined her Mother’s Day.

Courtesy of Riverside Police Department

Let’s go to Riverside!

Riverside, Illinois, where 55-year-old Robert Golba was visiting his mom and apparently had to much to drink.

In fact, he got so plastered that he stumbled and FELL on her, breaking her hip and pinning her to the kitchen floor for several hours!  

HELP!  MY SON HAS FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET UP!

Can you imagine that? 

You’ve got your drunk, passed-out son lying on top of you like a pendejo blanket, and you’re stuck there for HOURS?

According to Chicago's CBS2:

" . . . Golba had an order of protection and under the terms of it he was not allowed in the residence under the influence of any drug or alcohol.

The violation of the order of protection did help Riverside police officers make a case against Mr. Golba for injuring his mother,” said Riverside Police Chief Thomas Weitzel in a press release.

Golba was charged with one county of felony violation of order of protection.

WTF?!

What kind of guy sexually assaults a PEACOCK?

THIS guy.

Courtesy of Roselle PD

Okay, judging by THAT photo, I could totally see him 'sexually assaulting a peacock.'  Let's go outside Chicago to find out more...

According to the Daily Herald:

A man from northwest suburban Roselle, in DuPage County, faces a charge of misdemeanor animal cruelty after police said he sexually abused his pet peacock.

David Beckman, 64, of the 600 block of East Devon Avenue, was charged with the crime after police learned the bird died while they were investigating Beckman about an alleged case of indecent solicitation of a child.

Details surrounding the case with the peacock, reportedly named Phyl, were unclear Friday, as investigators said it was part of the case involving the child.

How the peacock teased his owner

Okay, I don't know what's worse - sexually abusing a peacock until it dies, or naming it PHYL.  Not PHIL, but PHYL -although, considering what this freak is accused of doing, perhaps FILL would have been more appropriate.