DUMBASS of the DAY!

LADIES: If you’re gonna go buy some cocaine, don’t write it down on your shopping list!

Courtesy of Facebook

Let’s go to Whitemarsh Township, PA where a 21-year-old woman rear-ended a car at a stop sign.

As police rolled to the scene, they reported that Carolyn Murray appeared "OUT OF IT."  

As Miss Murray was struggling to locate her registration, she asked officers to help her look for it in her car.  

Instead, officers found what appeared to be a shopping list on a yellow index card.

On her list:

Chicken breast

German potato salad

Pepsi

Xanex (sic)

Cocaine

Get high

Muscle relaxers

She was taken to the hospital and given a blood test.  WHEN it comes back positive, she'll be charged with DUI.

Hey, at least she’s got some spunk!  Most of the drug users I know don’t have the drive to include GET HIGH on their to-do list.

(dis)Honorable Mention

Dudes: if the drug dealer to whom you gave $80  earlier in the day has yet to show up at your pre-arranged meeting at the gas station, and he has kept you waiting longer than you are accustomed to waiting for your drugs, who should you NOT call with your consumer complaint?

Let’s go to North Carolina man called 911 to complain that he'd paid a 'local vendor' for some 'merchandise,' but thought he was being ripped off after waiting and waiting for the delivery man.

When the dispatcher asked what the 'local vendor' was supposed to deliver, our genius said, "Bags of coke and weed."

The guy, who identified himself only as "Dave," said he gave a dealer $80 for the goods, which were supposed to be handed over at a nearby gas station later that afternoon. And after cooling his heels for a good chunk of the day, he decided to bypass the Better Business Bureau and called the cops, as he told the dispatcher to send officers "to make the DRUG DEALER DO THE RIGHT THING." 

Officers showed up, all right, and they did the right thing. They took that loser to jail.

The 'local vendor' never did show up. 

CREEPY EX of the DAY

And a spurned ex boyfriend has been jailed for basically being . . . creepy.  

Let’s go to DeLand, Florida, and that’s where Donald Scott Gustafson had a hard time with his breakup to his 57-year-old gf.

I mean, MOST guys, if they’re trying to win back their ex, would send FLOWERS to her job.  

Not THIS guy.  He reportedly sent DEAD OPOSSUMS. 

Seriously.  And to her house, too. He was arrested for reportedly stalking.

Dontcha hate it when your ex gets all creepy? It's a good thing I don't HAVE any! (Yes, I married my first love - HOLLA!)

MATT KEMP is the MAN!

A BEAUTIFUL thing happened this past weekend in San Francisco.

OBVIOUSLY, it didn't happen DURING the game, in which the Dodgers lost, 4-3, to complete a three-game sweep by the Giants.

No, it happened AFTER the game, when Matt Kemp approached a terminally-ill Dodger fan named Joshua Jones.

Jones, 19, had been fighting a three-year battle with cancer, and had decided to stop the chemo treatments, leaving him with about a month-and-a-half to live. 

So he and his family, and his friends, pooled their money and bought front row tickets to Sunday's game, so that Joshua could see his Dodgers one last time.

One of the Dodgers' coaches told Kemp about the fan sitting in the front row.

Watch what happened after the game:

 WOW.  How cool WAS that?

Kemp - who's usually hated in San Francisco, even had GIANTS fans cheering for him after what he did.  Which athletes of his stature RARELY do.

Joshua's best friend blogged:

"Matt Kemp is such a great person. He came over after the game and made one of my best friends night :) he's fighting a tough battle and this was such a great gift by Matt Kemp ! I'll never forget this."

FOX LA reports on Matt Kemp's side of the story:

"I didn't plan on taking my jersey off. It was just something I felt that probably would have cheered him up a little bit and helped his situation," Kemp said. "It was the first time I ever took my shoes off on a field. That was the first time that Giants fans were ever nice to me.

"I mean, we'd just gotten swept by the Giants, but that was something I felt I needed to do, and I'm glad I got to do that," Kemp added. "Hopefully, that made the kid's day. I don't even know his name. God willing, a miracle happens and he lives for a while. But his father told Wally that he didn't have much time left on this Earth."

An incident that occurred when Kemp was 12 years old helped contribute to his positive attitude toward fans — particularly those who are experiencing hardships.

"One of my favorite basketball players — I'm not going to say who it is — kind of played me," Kemp recalled. "I asked him for his autograph and he said he was busy. As a kid, you always remember those things and it kind of sticks with you. So as much as I can sign, I try. I know fans get mad when I tell them I have to do something at that moment. But I try to do as much as I can."

DUMBASS HALL OF FAME!

Okay, so this story may be a little late . . . but it's SO STUPID, it needs to be retold.  So, here we go . . . .

GUYS: There's no legitimate reason to stab your friend.

Unless he refuses to switch positions during a three-some. 

Seriously. And, clearly, we're not talking golf.

Wanna know why Ashley Hunter (on the left) stabbed his friend Orlando Dewitt (on the right)?

Click on the link - ADULT SUBJECT MATERIAL!

Dumbass of the Day

Teacher Appreciation Week Edition

I REALLY didn't want to handout Tuesday's Dumbass of the Day award to a teacher, since it's National Teacher Appreciation Day.

But it's also Teacher Appreciation Week, and I couldn't let this act of stupidity slide for another 5 days, so here we go . . .

Teachers: If you ask your 14-year-old students to choose a book to read, and one of your kids picks the erotic thriller Fifty Shades Of Grey, you DON'T have to get him that book.

Courtesy of Evelyn Erives, who has read ALL three books

Let’s go to  a charter school in Philadelphia, where a teacher asked his class to come up with a wish list of books that he could order for them.

You know, in an effort to get kids to read an actual book.

Well, one 14-year-old boy asked for 50 Shades of Grey, which his teacher then ordered for him.  

The boy’s mom saw her son with the book, and now she - along with other parents - want the teacher fired.

Then teacher claims he was unaware of the content of the book.

Now, I'm not gonna bust the teacher for trying to get his students to read.  And I'm not going to bust the 14-year-old boy, who probably wanted to know what all the fuss is about the book . . . and may want to improve his skills as a man by the time he reaches his senior prom.  And I'm not going to bust the boy's mom, who is understandably protective about what her precious snowflake is reading.

However, I AM gonna bust the teacher, who's in charge of books and the students' reading lists, for saying something as lame and ridiculous as, "I didn't know what the book was about."  REALLY?  50 SHADES OF GREY is the most popular book sold in the last 18 months!

DRUNK DUMBASS

You gotta love the woman who decided to celebrate her GETTING BACK HER LICENSE FROM A PREVIOUS DUI by going out . . . and getting busted for a DUI.

Read her story! LINK