LAST-SECOND GOOOAAALL

We LA KINGS fans are still celebrating today after last night's thrilling 2-1 win over the St. Louis Blues, which sends the defending Stanley Cup champions to the 2nd round of the playoffs.

And I can't stop watching the buzzer-beating goal by #25 Dustin Penner that turned out to be the game-winning goal!

 Needless to say, that goal caused some serious yelling and screaming at the Pope house in Riverside!

So if I sounded a little hoarse on the air today . . . or at Harlow's Kitchen Concepts in San Bernardino (next to Costco) from 11-1pm, you'll understand!

DUMBASS of the DAY!

GUYS: If your GF has a PRISON RECORD, and looks like COOLIO, you probably shouldn't CUT THE CHEESE in her FACE.

Courtesy of Collier County Sheriff's Office

Let's go to Immakolee, Florida where 37-year-old Deborah Burns was watching TV with her boyfriend when he got up to go to the kitchen.

As he walked right in front of her, he allegedly farted in her face.

Blew the butt tuba

Cut the cheese

Sprayed Chanel #2

Introduced her to Booty and the Blowfish

Floated an air biscuit

Oh, NO HE DIN'T!

Deborah was NOT happy with her BF's rectal blast. According to the Naples Daily News, she pulled the strap out the cut, and threw an 8-inch knife at her lover, cutting him on his arm and abdomen.

She was arrested for aggravated assault, and is being held on $50,000.

Among her previous busts were cocaine possession, failure to pay child support (is she the only woman who's ever been busted for that?) and trespassing. 

And as you look at your mug shot, are you asking the same question as me - What did she look like BEFORE he ripped one right in her face?

DUMBASS of the DAY!

LADIES: If you’re gonna go buy some cocaine, don’t write it down on your shopping list!

Courtesy of Facebook

Let’s go to Whitemarsh Township, PA where a 21-year-old woman rear-ended a car at a stop sign.

As police rolled to the scene, they reported that Carolyn Murray appeared "OUT OF IT."  

As Miss Murray was struggling to locate her registration, she asked officers to help her look for it in her car.  

Instead, officers found what appeared to be a shopping list on a yellow index card.

On her list:

Chicken breast

German potato salad

Pepsi

Xanex (sic)

Cocaine

Get high

Muscle relaxers

She was taken to the hospital and given a blood test.  WHEN it comes back positive, she'll be charged with DUI.

Hey, at least she’s got some spunk!  Most of the drug users I know don’t have the drive to include GET HIGH on their to-do list.

(dis)Honorable Mention

Dudes: if the drug dealer to whom you gave $80  earlier in the day has yet to show up at your pre-arranged meeting at the gas station, and he has kept you waiting longer than you are accustomed to waiting for your drugs, who should you NOT call with your consumer complaint?

Let’s go to North Carolina man called 911 to complain that he'd paid a 'local vendor' for some 'merchandise,' but thought he was being ripped off after waiting and waiting for the delivery man.

When the dispatcher asked what the 'local vendor' was supposed to deliver, our genius said, "Bags of coke and weed."

The guy, who identified himself only as "Dave," said he gave a dealer $80 for the goods, which were supposed to be handed over at a nearby gas station later that afternoon. And after cooling his heels for a good chunk of the day, he decided to bypass the Better Business Bureau and called the cops, as he told the dispatcher to send officers "to make the DRUG DEALER DO THE RIGHT THING." 

Officers showed up, all right, and they did the right thing. They took that loser to jail.

The 'local vendor' never did show up. 

CREEPY EX of the DAY

And a spurned ex boyfriend has been jailed for basically being . . . creepy.  

Let’s go to DeLand, Florida, and that’s where Donald Scott Gustafson had a hard time with his breakup to his 57-year-old gf.

I mean, MOST guys, if they’re trying to win back their ex, would send FLOWERS to her job.  

Not THIS guy.  He reportedly sent DEAD OPOSSUMS. 

Seriously.  And to her house, too. He was arrested for reportedly stalking.

Dontcha hate it when your ex gets all creepy? It's a good thing I don't HAVE any! (Yes, I married my first love - HOLLA!)