WTF?!

What kind of guy sexually assaults a PEACOCK?

THIS guy.

Courtesy of Roselle PD

Okay, judging by THAT photo, I could totally see him 'sexually assaulting a peacock.'  Let's go outside Chicago to find out more...

According to the Daily Herald:

A man from northwest suburban Roselle, in DuPage County, faces a charge of misdemeanor animal cruelty after police said he sexually abused his pet peacock.

David Beckman, 64, of the 600 block of East Devon Avenue, was charged with the crime after police learned the bird died while they were investigating Beckman about an alleged case of indecent solicitation of a child.

Details surrounding the case with the peacock, reportedly named Phyl, were unclear Friday, as investigators said it was part of the case involving the child.

How the peacock teased his owner

Okay, I don't know what's worse - sexually abusing a peacock until it dies, or naming it PHYL.  Not PHIL, but PHYL -although, considering what this freak is accused of doing, perhaps FILL would have been more appropriate.

LAST-SECOND GOOOAAALL

We LA KINGS fans are still celebrating today after last night's thrilling 2-1 win over the St. Louis Blues, which sends the defending Stanley Cup champions to the 2nd round of the playoffs.

And I can't stop watching the buzzer-beating goal by #25 Dustin Penner that turned out to be the game-winning goal!

 Needless to say, that goal caused some serious yelling and screaming at the Pope house in Riverside!

So if I sounded a little hoarse on the air today . . . or at Harlow's Kitchen Concepts in San Bernardino (next to Costco) from 11-1pm, you'll understand!

DUMBASS of the DAY!

GUYS: If your GF has a PRISON RECORD, and looks like COOLIO, you probably shouldn't CUT THE CHEESE in her FACE.

Courtesy of Collier County Sheriff's Office

Let's go to Immakolee, Florida where 37-year-old Deborah Burns was watching TV with her boyfriend when he got up to go to the kitchen.

As he walked right in front of her, he allegedly farted in her face.

Blew the butt tuba

Cut the cheese

Sprayed Chanel #2

Introduced her to Booty and the Blowfish

Floated an air biscuit

Oh, NO HE DIN'T!

Deborah was NOT happy with her BF's rectal blast. According to the Naples Daily News, she pulled the strap out the cut, and threw an 8-inch knife at her lover, cutting him on his arm and abdomen.

She was arrested for aggravated assault, and is being held on $50,000.

Among her previous busts were cocaine possession, failure to pay child support (is she the only woman who's ever been busted for that?) and trespassing. 

And as you look at your mug shot, are you asking the same question as me - What did she look like BEFORE he ripped one right in her face?