All this week, I have been paying tribute to the BONEHEADS and ASS HATS who have been clowned over the years for being the Dumbass of the Day

Today, I will honor TWO fools who were a SPECIAL kind of stupid!

Dumbass of the Day

HALL OF FAME NOMINEE

QUIZ TIME!

You're at home when a squirrel runs up your pants leg.

What to do you? 

a) quickly take off your pants,

b) stop, drop and roll, or

c) shoot at it with a rifle?

 Let’s go to Monroe, Oregon, where a 36-year-old was chillin' at home when -  to his utter shock and dismay  - a squirrel ran up his pants leg.

So he took aim with his rifle and fired. 

And he promptly blasted himself in the foot, completely missing the squirrel. 

No, I have no idea why dude had a rifle with him at the exact moment the squirrel ran up his pants leg.

Animal experts say they’re surprised by the squirrel’s behavior; they point out that the ground in Oregon isn’t frozen yet, so the squirrel could have found a different place to store its nuts

HALL OF FAME NOMINEE #2

Hey guys: I understand how frustrating it is to lose the TV remote. 

But setting your house on fire isn’t going to help you find it.

Let’s go to San Marcos -  which is 20 minutes south of Temecula - and that's where a 49-year-old Ed Nichol was having a bad day. 

You see, he couldn’t find the TV remote – and when beating his sister with a baseball bat didn’t help him find it, he did the most sensible thing – he burned his house to the ground.  link

Dude was taken to the hospital in handcuffs. No one else was hurt . . . and the remote is STILL missing.  

Dude, if you had the energy to bash your sister with a bat AND set your house on fire, you had the energy to get off our ass and change the freakin' channel!

I hope you enjoyed all the Hall-of-Fame Dumbasses this week -  I will be back Monday with a brand new Dumbass of the Day!

All this week, I am paying tribute to all the shmucks and fools who I have clowned during the Dumbass of the Day.

But THESE idiots are TRULY stupid!

Dumbass of the Day

HALL OF FAME NOMINEE

Hey, GUYS: You probably shouldn't cheat on your wife. 

And you REALLY shouldn't do it during your wedding reception!

And the winner of the ERIC BENET AWARD for cheating on his wife on their wedding day goes to a 27-year-old Austrian man who couldn’t even wait for the cutting of the cake before he had a piece of pie.

The drunken groom reportedly got it on with a waitress serving food at his wedding reception - and since he's circumsized, she probably didn't even get a tip.

Guess who discovered the cheating groom?  That would be the FATHER of the bride.  

No word if the groom had to be hospitalized for his misdeed - and because of Austrian law, the bride has to wait 6 months to file for divorce.  

Or as Kim Kardashian calls it, FOREVER.

All this week, I will be honoring the FOOLS, PUTZES, SCHMUCKS, and PENDEJOS who have all been clowned during the Dumbass of the Day over the years.

But THESE idiots are special!

Dumbass of the Day

Hall of Fame NOMINEE

Quick memo: When playing Monopoly, try not to land in jail.

No, seriously - you don't want to end up in JAIL!!

Courtesy of Santa Fe County Detention Facility

Let’s go to New Mexico, where dreams often die. 

And that’s where the above 60-year-old grandma apparently thought her boyfriend was cheating at Monopoly.

So after bashing him with a glass bottle (allegedly), she knifed him repeatedly, even telling the police – quote – "Yes, I *EFFED* him up." 

She’s been taken to REAL jail where she’s hoping to roll doubles.  

And her BF remains in the hospital, where doctors are about to play OPERATION! (Thanks for the gag, Evelyn)

The ONLY BOARD GAME my wife and I like to play: