DUMBASS of the WEEKEND!

Hey THUGS: If you’re going to rob a Starbucks, you’re only embarrassing yourself and other robbers by accepting a free Caramel Mocchiato

Courtesy o Madison County Jail

Let’s go to Huntsville, Alabama, where dude rolled up to the cashier – wait, I’m so sorry, I meant BARISTA! – homeboy rolled up to the barista, and demanded all the cash in the register. 

The barista told him she was unable to open the register (total lie), but asked him "would you like a free coffee?"

"Uh, okay," replied the lame ass. 

He took the coffee, and – well, he didn't exactly FLEE the store - it was more like he GINGERLY left the store.  He was found in a nearby parking lot drinking his free coffee, and was arrested for robbery. 

And since it was a venti-sized coffee, he was charged with a felony!!

 

DARWIN FAIL!!

I don’t care HOW drunk you are – there’s got to be a better place to sleep it off than under a train platform next to the tracks.

 Let’s go to QUEENS, and that’s where a 26-year-old tried to sleep off his buzz by tucking himself under a train platform, where police couldn’t see him. 

But I’m sure they HEARD him when the 4:40am train ran over his leg. 

Dude is expected to survive, meaning Darwin failed worse than the Patriots.

"What the hell am I doing wrong?"