On this special THURSDAY, we are blessed with SEVERAL morons wasting precious oxygen!

Dumbass #1

The idea of ANY successful break-in is to get what what you want, and GET OUT.  

That does NOT mean strip to your chonies, cook some food, grab a remote and watch TV

Let’s go to Salisbury, Maryland, where a guy was coming home from work late one night when he saw someone had turned on the TV inside his house, so he called police. 

When OFFICERS arrived, they walked over the bag filled with stolen loot placed by the front door, and later found the burglar had stripped down to his underwear, and was watching TV  - all while eating a chicken pot pie that he had cooked in the kitchen.  

Dude makes himself at home - and the only food item he steals is CHICKEN POT PIE?!  What's WRONG with people?!

Yeah, he was arrested.

Dumbass #2

If you're going to go on a vandalism spree, and smash a bunch of cars at your local dealership, makes sure you don't leave anything PERSONAL behind.

Let's go to Nacogdoches, Texas, where Forrest Kenneth Randall allegedly went out to a local car dealership to have a little fun in his free time.

He no longer has free time.

According to police reports, Forrest Kenneth Randall smashed out the windows on 20 vehicles on the lot before fleeing.

Later, police knocked on the door to Forrest Kenneth Randall's house.

PoPo: Are you Forrest Kenneth Randall?

Forrest Kenneth Randall: Yes.

PoPo: Is this your wallet?

MORAL: If you're going to go on a crime spree, make sure you don't leave your wallet at the scene of the crime.

Freeway Fool

If your car breaks down on the freeway, you need to find a way to get it off the freeway.  

You do not pop the hood, and start working on it ON THE FREEWAY.

Let’s go to Arizona, where a car broke down on Interstate 17.  The female driver go out, popped the hood, and was working on her car in the carpool lane when a truck slammed into her car, which slammed into her.  

She was taken to the hospital and should be okay in a couple of days.  Physically, that is.

GOLDEN DUMB

Let me see if I get this straight . . .

...so the most inspirational story of this year's college football season now appears to be a hoax? 

So, the girlfriend of the star linebacker of Notre Dame - the girl who "passed away" this year from Leukemia, either NEVER existed . . . or was ONLY an internet girlfriend?

Look, I expect fictitious internet girlfriends from linebackers at DEVRY, not Notre Dame.

If you're a stud linebacker for one of the most popular college football teams of ALL-TIME, you should have a GAGGLE of babes at your disposal, not an internet GF. Your GF should be causing TV broadcasters to foam at the mouth . . . not the Geek Squad at Best Buy.  You should be able to open the closet door in your dorm room, and be able to say, "Hmmm....who am I gonna have tonight?  The blonde?  Or the brunette?"