You know what they say . . .

...INSTANT DUMBASS, just add ALCOHOL!

Dumbass #1

What's the WORST way to fail a sobriety test?

a) stumble while walking a straight line

b) bump into the officer

c) vomit on the officer

Let’s go to Vero Beach, Florida, where a 24-year-old woman was pulled over for weaving.  

She then got nailed for HEAVING, when she failed her sobriety test in the worst way imaginable.  For the officer!

He ordered the woman to walk in a straight line.  However, the woman stumbled toward the officer, then RALPHED all over the guy, giving him the aroma of Goldschlager and stomach acid - which is still a slight upgrade from Old Spice.

Of COURSE she was arrested on the spot.

 

Dumbass #2

Quick memo: If your drunk friend asks you to pick him up from the police station – and you’re FADED – you should probably tell him you can’t.

 Let’s go to Westhampton, New Jersey, where on Thanksgiving Day, a 22-year-old man drove to the police station to pick up his friend, who had been nailed for DUI. 

Except HE was pulled over for SPEEDING through the police station parking lot! Adding inslut to stupidity, he failed a sobriety test right there in the parking lot, and was busted for DUI. 

Eventually, the OTHER guy was able to find a sober friend to pick him up; while the guy who went to pick him up took his place in jail.

Got all that?