Before I break down the stunning, shocking news in Lakerland . . .

DUMBASS of the WEEKEND!

Hey REDNECKS: If you're going to illegally kill, skin, and EAT alligators, make sure you keep the evidence away from "your friend's marijuana plants."

Let’s go to Gainsville, Florida where police got an anonymous tip that the above-pictured 51-year-old was illegally killing, skinning and eating alligators (which is illegal in Florida)

When police arrived at the hillbilly’s house, he invited them in, where there was a skinned gator up on the wall, and some gator meat in the fridge – right next to a series of marijuana plants. 

Officers asked him about the marijuana, and he told them, “Oh, they’re not mine.  I’m watering them for a dead friend.”

Of course he was arrested, and he left us with a memorable mug shot!

Geez, dude's got more hair on his chin than I do on my head.  Hey GATOR EATERS, can you work in some grooming and not look like the stereotypical hillbilly?

LAKERS SHOCKER!

The Lakers have found their new head coach – he’s just not the one you were hoping for.

Picture of someone who's NOT Phil Jackson courtesy of NBA.com

Shortly after the Lakers 103-90 win over SUCKramento last night - in which the crowd chanted WE WANT PHIL! WE WANT PHIL! – the Lakers signed NOT Phil Jackson, but former Suns and Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni.

D'Antoni coached Steve Nash for five years in Phoenix and coached Kobe in the Olympics . . . but has never coached in the FINALS.

It’s a four-year deal for D’Antoni, who will make $4 million a year, which isn’t even HALF of what Phil Jackson wanted, who was reportedly stunned he didn’t get the job.

Why did the Lakers not sign Phil Jackson? 

1)       Money…The Lakers have a 100-million dollar payroll, they have to pay 30 million in luxury taxes, and they still have to pay fired coach Mike Brown 10 million dollars. And it was going to take AT LEAST 10 million a year to get Jackson.  By going with D’Antoni, they will save 6 million dollars annually.

Of course, at this point, it's only money, right?

2)       Jackson DOES NOT get along with Jim Buss, the Laker executive (and the owner’s son) who originally hired Mike Brown. Buss reportedly took over Phil’s old office after the coach retired two seasons ago. Plus, Phil is STILL shtupping Buss’ sister – and some guys have an issue with that.

3)       Were Jackson’s demands too much?  Aside from at least 10 million a year, he also reportedly wanted more control of the basketball operations, including a small ownership stake in the team.  And, don’t forget, Jackson does not get along with the owner’s son, while also wanted to take over some of the ‘kid’s’ responsibilities.

Bottom line?  Raider fan is quite happy with all this Laker talk on a Monday, which takes attention away from yesterday's debacle in Baltimore.  Seriously . . . 55 points?